Swell and Ebb

I'm falling back into routine. It's remarkable how Pavlovian I'll let myself be. Days bleed into one another, wounds that don't hurt or heal.

Yesterday I visited a friend and her new baby. 16 days old. That kinda new baby. My friend was tired, so I let her take a nap while I held that tiny new human. 

I forget sometimes that babies are the beginnings of people. Neonates especially. The baby fell asleep in my arms, and I found myself just watching, somewhat impassively. 

And then I felt one of those heart pangs that take you by surprise.

It wasn't my "biological clock". Mine doesn't tick. Perhaps it needs to be wound (clock needs to be wound and a wound that doesn't heal)

...I looked at that baby and I thought about all the sadness she will have to experience. All the parts of the human condition. Cause' she's not quite "human" yet; she has never known the dark inside us. 

And then she seemed impossibly beautiful. This perfect little life in my arms. She is living, breathing potential.